Yesterday...

I have hated this habit of mine. I tried to stop it, mop it and move on. But that feeling of hurt keeps coming up again and again.

Once upon a time not long ago I was sentimental and teary eyed when faced with tough situations, when subjected to some sort of ridicule or even when test paper marks were announced. But that habit faded by the time I was in high school, but it has crept up once in a while, but people who know me would still say that I was a bit too silly to be crying at most stupidest of reasons.

But graduation changed it all, it faded further, till I stopped feeling guilty and sobbing at simplest of reasons.

But last day was different, I went in to a file stacked office, behind dusty files and tables was a lady in an gaudy Kajeevaram Saree, who looked bored, and a little too made up at that time of the day. She nodded a straight "NO" to my request. She looked around gestured to some body on the other end of the corridor to come over. As the Section clerk came over, She demanded that the file that had taken me a whole of 6 months to prepare, be dumped, in a corner meant for Blocked cases.

Never have I felt so let down, and humiliated. With one gesture she had admonished a whole lot of hope, emotions and the energy seemed to seep out. I tried hard but the tears had already rolled down, I made frantic efforts to mop it up and wanted to walk off, but I dont know why I kept standing there, looking at the Section officer lady with a blurred vision, she was laughing. She turned to the other side on her revolving chair, facing away from me.

Not knowing what to say, I said "please". She turned around and kept looking at me from above her specs which were placed lower on her nose. That stare said it all.

I submitted the papers and trotted off to the long corridor which was dark.

While it rained outside, I stood by the corridor, waiting to go home. While on the bus back home I kept thinking of the the reason she had given me for refusing my demands.

I keep my fingers crossed, may her seniors who open the papers, be kind hearted souls who acknowledge and nurture humane instincts.

Playlist - Currently listening to Subcity by Tracy Chapman.